Apple-Never-After

i ring in the new year
and you just wring in the towel
you are always cleaning up our spilled relationship
while i am just running away from it
away from your sad eyes
that i don't have the strength to fix

and another time, and another place
i'd be the right dream to fulfill your cinderella fantasy
i'd take your hand in mine and it'd be enough
i'd finally be enough for someone

dark and twisted, bite the apple
hold me tighter against the storm
i'm going down, leather so tight
and you'd be the hero
until morning light

i can't stop crying over you
when i know the truth
i had a choice and i walked away
i'd do it again
because we were meant to be broken
we were meant to be apart
i'd sacrifice our disaster, before we attempt a broken ever-after

Poisoned apple, poisoning you against me
A lie I couldn't tell
When I knew nothing about how I'd feel
When I just missing having a you
i'd sacrifice our disaster, before we attempt a broken ever-after

Childless Mother

She was a childless mother
Standing on her two bare feet, letting the water gush between them
There was no doubt she was crying, but the tears just added salt to the rain
And she was ready to run away, so ready to run away

And the laughter echos in the walls, leaps and bounds off of packed boxes
Pitter-patter of tiny feet, pandering to the rest of the world
And she can't feel any more motivation coursing through her veins
Then when she painted the canvas of reds and blacks
Singing of hope
Holding her belly fondly
She is a childless mother
Bound forever
To this quiet house she is ready to run from

Hailing taxis always seemed dramatic
But now she only felt small as they passed
And this was her goodbye moment
Her hand goes up
Rain-drenched, crumbling slowly like a cookie in milk
She climbs into the back of her future

She was a childless mother
Young and sweet, standing alone once again
There was no doubt she was crying, but the tears just added salt to the rain
And she was ready to run away, ready to run away

Just keep blinking, it'll all be alright

Writer

That wasn't even me who walked into the bookstore and hid in the shadows watching you
But you swear it was
You swear I could be that meek
I amuse you, as well you amuse me
Thinking you're hot stuff every time I come around
Worthy of my stalking
Worthy of a little creeping
But although I am intrigued
I know better than to want you
To trust, is to never know you
And you've made your fickle musings decoration on my wall
So I am not fooled, not this time
And yet....
....yet I beg to give you the benefit of the doubt one last time
Ignore what you're saying to me and concentrate on the movements of your skin against mine

And what is it puppet?
What would you tell me if you weren't so afraid?
Can I please have a little truth splattered on my pie
A little reality stirred in my tea
Tell me you love me, tell me you want only me
Tell me when I was with someone else
You cried over me

Am I just a fool in your latest story
About a gullible blonde
A joke by the water cooler
Or are you thinking of me right now as I pen these words of you
And what am I doing with you, when I only see horror
Because I want to be the girl in your story
I want to be the heroine
I want the readers to root for me
Just a little
Whistle my hero tune on their way to work
Wondering what ever became of the love interest
He could have had if he hadn't been so selfish

But this is just a fantasy, because I am too much reality
Me as real life, you as just a guy
Keeping his distance, because he takes the easy route
But she comes unexpected, and for once he is confused by his own script
The one I am in
The one he can't live without
Though he wants to
He wants to continue eating tacos
And sleeping alone
But I eat away at him
He must write again
Of the blonde heroine
With the blue eyes
Soft skin
Who speaks in riddles and quirks
Who waits patient
Who accepts his crazy
Because she sees the real him

Colder After Goodbye

My fateful goodbye rings in each of our ears
But I could never love you like you love me
And you deserve better
A girl I don't even want to be
A girl so removed from me
And I blinded you with my coy words that no boy could resist
And did I waste it on you?
When you were so obviously taking hold of me

And if you didn't rack the metals of my heart with your soft touch
If I weren't so afraid of wrong love
If I didn't hide beneath the ground waiting for a decent burial
Broken-hearted, jaded, lost doll
Clinging to a man of tomorrow of all that I want
Would there be a lag within space and time, with a you and an I?
Though you just weren't it
And the guilt rattles me, because I broke you
I can't fix it with anything more than a lie
I won't, I promise, I won't

And I'm buried in inconsistencies
A rot with loneliness
And I'm so used to clinging to the next thing
That won't last
Even that now seems tiresome
And all I want is sleep
Under these sheets of grief
Satin, full of sickening grace
Because you can't let go
And now I'm gone, the spot where my warm body was is slowly getting colder

The Way It Has to Be

And I could sing you a lullaby
If it would clear your sweet head
If you would lie yours next to mine
And I could soak in the brown of your eyes
Sliding my fingers in yours
Feeling your lips against my head

I could stare forever at the waves of the ocean
And never get bored
And never forget the salt in the air as I licked my lips
Wishing that the heat would never leave my skin
And you would always be
Always be here waiting beside me

I could ponder the edge of the garden
Where does the planted flower become nothing but dirt
Or a blade of grass?
Whistling nature's tune
Singing only songs for you
Wishing it was all different
And we would never wake up to find our concern
Still tipsy from the night before
Spinning, grasping, singing,
Happier than we could ever be
Erase these sugar-plum dreams
If you can, if you will
If it's the way it has to be

Wonder

There was an end that walked up to me and shook its fist
To tell me to see things anew
And I would paint everything blue and green
And hide it inside my shoe
While I trek the rest of my journey to you
Into you, above you, below you, inside of you

There are so many things I could do if I would stop turning around to check
To see that my footprints are lasting
Singing on a beat to dance following what I am hiding against
I am so new to the day and I believe I shine
And I tell you to hold on to mystery
Because that is the one thing they can't deny you when you disappear
You'd be the talk of town when they realize today is nothing like yesterday
And you, baby, you are new
And I have lost myself into wonder of the realities you think up
Painted against a coffee cup
The one that gets me through the day
Helps me write the words I could never say
The moments I would relive, just to feel that sense of beauty
We all forget about once it's over, and we only get a whiff of the memory when a scent floats up
And our brains are turning, turning and yearning, and begging to build the sandcastle that no wave would break

The melody of mystery that hides you under it's salted waves
And carresses your sultry skin in perfect tan
And I could fall for it one more time
And know that in life it doesn't have to always be perfect
Sometimes the rough edges are the nicest things to touch
And you are the best thing to love
If only I weren't so afraid of the crashing
If I weren't so afraid of you waking up and catching the next train out of My Heart
And move way out yonder until I forget the crisp sound of you voice
The heavenly scent you left in your covers
Until my mascara runs dry, waiting for an unspoken goodbye
One, perfect castles will never hear, because fairy tales don't know the word, Goodbye
Certainly not as well as I

Selfish Spirit Let Me Be

I could detach myself from your pleasure schemes
And maybe I should, because I am always exhausted
And you are never here
And I never wanna be there
Since there doesn't include you anymore
And all these words are so awkward
When you try to pretend we were never lovers
And I mean nothing to you
But you'll keep saying what I need to hear
To keep me near
And I am a fool, fool, for you

Let's share this pumpkin soup and despair
Are you telling me your dirty secrets, since you can't quite let her in yet
And I know the deepest part of you, the you that you fear would scare her away
And I am a tender piece of meat that you've beaten too thin
Now you think it's time to dine
And I must say I go down well with wine
Wine and a mourning for c'est la vie

I lost my optimism in a paper cup
I can't retrieve it without swallowing your backwash
I just can't see how it's worth it
Because I am feeling ragged
Your smile isn't as becoming
Tattooed on your face
As a lie
I spoon feed to myself
To keep up my strength
Could it be you are running away from something I only remind you of?
If so, I am so sorry
I always feared what my loyalty, my honesty would do to you
I know you aren't used to girls like me

I should set you free, selfish spirit let me be!
Vanquish my anguish as I hide in this tree
Like a child throwing apples from the sky
And giggling as you dodge after I nail you in the head
You bring out the naughty child in me
I should set you free, selfish spirit let me be!
Let me again breathe and bask in sanity

Black Horse

I haven't decided if I am a black horse or a black train
Either way I am headed to hell, through the high water
Clinging to the sanctity of choice
Rising above the candles in sultry light
Always the seducer, ready to be claimed by a seductee
And your fingers intertwined in everything I love

And this is a slow goodbye
Wretched and cold
Ice down my back
I'm turning away from the dark mirror
Before it claims another soul
Because I can't even read my own eyes
Too many thoughts to tame and make right again

It's all fallen and broken to the ground
And you aren't here to help me with the pieces
And so I bleed just to feel something
Just to see what I can control, since I can't control your eyes
I can't make you play guitar against my heart strings
And trick you into still loving me
Because you can lie about your whiskey
But you can't lie about the words that spilt out
When you pulled away from me

The lacey veil I used to cover my eyes
Didn't hide the tears that pulled at my mascara
And dripped across my red lipstick
I wanted so to have you kiss them away
Just to feel some warmth again
Because I feel myself sinking further and further away
From any sense of decency, normalcy, only left opportunity
To become a shadow girl
Without a heart, without a soul
Someone you could never know
Because I would be too ashamed to show you
The real me covered in ivy
Who is left to paddle in her deep misery

The End of Another Unfulfilled Fairy Tale

It has been forever. I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. LoL I have been writing all this time, but I guess hording my poetry. Bad. Bad.

This one is a new one I wrote in a memo on my phone.

I'd hold on to you if I thought you could support my fingernails.
But you can't, or you don't want to
And I am losing grip.
And you are looking out to the distance.

I've tasted your humble pie, because you always leave it cold on the dish.
And I hate its taste, but I refuse to leave it ignored on the plate
And I know as long as I am in the room you have no intention to eat.
Maybe you would like to eat it with someone new.
Someone worth it.

And I just thought after all this time I meant more to you.
And you keep making sure I know I don't rank
and soon you blame it on me
You'll say it was something I said.
And I'll say it was something you ate.
And turn. And it will be no more.

I am getting nothing here but hurt.
And even my dreams are filled with fears of being forever alone.
And I wake up crying, and I wake up cold.
I wake up wishing I had another Lonely Night to creep into his nameless arms and bed.
And forget about your arms, your bed, your confused head.
I still long for you to hold me and tell me I am okay.

I have to end this.