Black Horse

I haven't decided if I am a black horse or a black train
Either way I am headed to hell, through the high water
Clinging to the sanctity of choice
Rising above the candles in sultry light
Always the seducer, ready to be claimed by a seductee
And your fingers intertwined in everything I love

And this is a slow goodbye
Wretched and cold
Ice down my back
I'm turning away from the dark mirror
Before it claims another soul
Because I can't even read my own eyes
Too many thoughts to tame and make right again

It's all fallen and broken to the ground
And you aren't here to help me with the pieces
And so I bleed just to feel something
Just to see what I can control, since I can't control your eyes
I can't make you play guitar against my heart strings
And trick you into still loving me
Because you can lie about your whiskey
But you can't lie about the words that spilt out
When you pulled away from me

The lacey veil I used to cover my eyes
Didn't hide the tears that pulled at my mascara
And dripped across my red lipstick
I wanted so to have you kiss them away
Just to feel some warmth again
Because I feel myself sinking further and further away
From any sense of decency, normalcy, only left opportunity
To become a shadow girl
Without a heart, without a soul
Someone you could never know
Because I would be too ashamed to show you
The real me covered in ivy
Who is left to paddle in her deep misery

The End of Another Unfulfilled Fairy Tale

It has been forever. I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. LoL I have been writing all this time, but I guess hording my poetry. Bad. Bad.

This one is a new one I wrote in a memo on my phone.

I'd hold on to you if I thought you could support my fingernails.
But you can't, or you don't want to
And I am losing grip.
And you are looking out to the distance.

I've tasted your humble pie, because you always leave it cold on the dish.
And I hate its taste, but I refuse to leave it ignored on the plate
And I know as long as I am in the room you have no intention to eat.
Maybe you would like to eat it with someone new.
Someone worth it.

And I just thought after all this time I meant more to you.
And you keep making sure I know I don't rank
and soon you blame it on me
You'll say it was something I said.
And I'll say it was something you ate.
And turn. And it will be no more.

I am getting nothing here but hurt.
And even my dreams are filled with fears of being forever alone.
And I wake up crying, and I wake up cold.
I wake up wishing I had another Lonely Night to creep into his nameless arms and bed.
And forget about your arms, your bed, your confused head.
I still long for you to hold me and tell me I am okay.

I have to end this.