Were You Even There?

This is a little bit more hardcore than I am used to writing, but have gotten good feedback on it :) I can never decide if I really like it lol* I think part of it are awkward, but maybe that's the point...

Were You Even There?Neglected. Hated. Suffacated.
Rewind it to here for just a minute.
It's twisted and hurled, you're emasculated.
And I rented out to the wrong tenant.

But you keep me up nights in the hopes of you returning
Not only in flesh, but some of your confused head.
Because you write so well when you're under pressure.
And I know I need to take care of you better.

Chicken scratch on the apartment walls.
Were you aiming for escape?
Were you driven insane?
Was it you? Was it me?
Was it the nosy neighbor?
Was it that every night we had to kick the heater;
Or freeze our socks off?

Icy blues pierce my soul
But it's good to feel something
Love, hate, listen to you masturbate
These walls are so thin
And we're doing it again
Ignoring the hurt and writing the truth only when we're feeling cooked

Would I change it? Not if it meant losing you.
We're artists. And screw them if they don't understand.
We're moody. You're brilliant. We're clumsy. I'm morbid.
You move in painted strokes. I move like a flinging paintbrush - splattered on the walls.

Always said you'd be the first to go.
I would just linger.
Smelling your scent on your side of the covers.
Swearing I feel your weight sinking like when we were lovers.
But it's like evaporating water.
And it means nothing. And you don't actually mean anything.
Nothing more than the life I give you on paper.

And you're Tragic. Stubborn. Mystic. A Ninja.
A guide to the mapquest...
Experience.
And your laugh is left haunting.
A mocking. A taunting.
A chicken scratch tale on the wall
Cuz' we ran out of time and space.