As it Goes

I copped out on the name, because I couldn't think of a good one. So readers, if you see something that makes you think of one that fits your fancy, please let me know!! :D

Juggling like you have nothing better to do
What're your tools today?
Knives? Flowers? Fire Sticks? Love?
And there was never a time when I felt you should be more serious than now
But it isn't your style
And your wink only makes it clearer

I'm on the outside looking in again
Pretending what it would feel like to hold you beside the fireplace
Wrapped in only blankets, listening to softness of your voice

But it will never be, and it's probably not as good as it would seem
And I take my chances, swallowed whole with a glass of cold water
You don't feel anything that exudes from me
Because your life now ain't it great
And I can't keep your "good things going for you" straight
But I'm sure they're piled high on your plate
And here I'm eating my pain, here I am choking on my pain

Let's recall the memories of you and I
Talking just to hear ourselves converse
Loving my laugh; loving your warm hand
And it's hard to believe it's over
But I am glad you're free
I'm glad you're happy
And maybe peace is all I'll need

You don't feel anything that exudes from me
Because your life now ain't it great
And I can't keep your "good things going for you" straight
But I'm sure they're piled high on your plate
And here I'm eating my pain, here I am choking on my pain

Boxes Piled High

I watched them drive away
As young as she looked when she hugged me goodbye
Carefree with a touch of apprehension
And he wouldn't meet my eye

The boxes were piled in the back seat, so I couldn't see them as they drove away
And I knew I would miss this, and the empty creaks in the house we all lived in
Would drive me up the wall
All alone
And you promised to write
And you promised to call
And you promised it would all last

Months come, and months go
Rain, heat, Summer, snow
I didn't hear from her after several months
And I worried
As I walked in the empty rooms I could not refill with any sense of delight

And they drove away with the boxes piled
The end of Spring had come and it was time
He couldn't look me in the eye
Or he wouldn't look me in the eye
And I should've known then it was the end of an era

And you promised to write
And you promised to call
And you promised it would all last

Months come, and months go
Rain, heat, Summer, snow
And I heard a knock
There she was shivering
Looking nervous
Staring at my mouth and not my eyes
And I saw what her make-up couldn't hide
And I brought her in and told her that I loved her
And I pulled her close, just wanting to hold her
And make it all better
Hot chocolate and an old sweater

He was a hit and run
And she was too young
To know better
And we'd all been there
In one form or another
As she talked her voice came back down
Her eyes became focused
And I told her we'd get through this
I knew we'd get through this

Month come, and months go
And now there's 3 in the house again
And luckily he's not the the spitting image of him
But he's beautiful, and he's tough
And his mother looks at him with so much love
And we know we've made it past
And we know we're free at last

The house is how it should be
Filled with delight

Satisfy me

You've asked so many things
Yet I hold on to your heart
You try to walk, but I never let you stray out of my eye sight
Even in the camouflage
Even when I don't want you, I simply want you to want me
And we bled internally for one another
Because we can't ever be forward enough to bother

Blinded by the lightening strikes; I am fickle again
I could go either way, because what I really want is always unavailable
Someone's always sold out
Of this vital ingredient
So this cupcake will do until I find my slice of pie
And hopefully the pie will be ready and it will satisfy me

Am I still sorry for these awful decisions I am making?
Or do I chalk it up to my authority?
Will it just be my life's testimony?
Or will it end up destroying me?

Take me or leave me
But if you leave I'll be devastated
But I've broken hearts before
So I can't say it isn't deserved
And I would never guilt someone as beautiful as you
And when you come around I promise to wear blue

Please to hold
Please to let go
Please to love
Please, please me
Live and let it be free
Hold you, hold me
Bring me to eternity
Because I miss you, I miss you, miss me

Someone's always sold out
Of this vital ingredient
So this cupcake will do until I find my slice of pie
And hopefully the pie will be ready and it will satisfy me

Remember & Clouds

Hi friends! I know I haven't written any lately. The first one I started several days ago, but only finished today. The second one was all today. Oh, well technically yesterday. Hope you like. I haven't really even re read them since I wrote them. Hopefully the first one flows seeing it was written possibly with two different moods! lol* :)

Remember~

Remember the memory of youth
And I remember how I held you
Always made it better even when it wasn't
And now it isn't my place and I don't want it to be better
I just want it to be different

And I've come to the conclusion I will never be good enough
You need patience just to look me in the eye
I'm quite the wild woman
I don't even remember what it was like to be tamed
Like a wild horse held by reins always looking to escape
Now I jump at the slightest movement

So could you understand that
When it comes down to it
Could we focus on the underlying meaning
The trials will never cease unless we learn and endure
And I've offered up the remainder of who I am
For you to accept as what I have

And I am open to all the conversing
Even the mundane sounds of our tired voices
As we drift off into the night, not exactly making snse
But not quite delusional
But maybe, I am delusional for you
Maybe you are out of my grasp

And I've come to the conclusion I will never be good enough
You need patience just to look me in the eye
I'm quite the wild woman
I don't even remember what it was like to be tamed
Like a wild horse held by reins always looking to escape
Now I jump at the slightest movement

But you could change me in a heartbeat with just a simple comfort

Clouds~

The brush stroke of the painter was mesmerizing
It was as though he knew all I had been through
All that I was, and then vivid colors depicted the spirit child that I was
Moving seamlessly through this life path I like to call home
And my head is always in the clouds where I would make my heaven

Sunsets in orange, yellow, and red cover up my head
I hide myself in them
My eyes connecting and wondering where the rest of me would rest
If I had to choose
Rest alone sounds like a peaceful plan
When I'm always thinking of my next personal stand

I would like to be more dependent than independent for maybe a day
A simple catering to my personality
But the world's too crowded to fall into the same routine
And I've never been good at causing a scene
Not that I wouldn't if it had merit or benefit

And we all connect in a way that makes us vulnerable
Even the thickest skin can shed if the right words are thrown around
But I'll just take my elusive clouds, live on them and watch the world's colors change
So don't forget me when I'm gone
Just know I am comfy on my cloud
And never too far away
My heaven clouds
Creating my own