A pity

Tonight everything looks so bleak
I see nothing of the stars that I know must be in the sky
Or have they fallen like every one of my tears
I am missing it all, even the things I haven't lost yet
The things I know are waiting in dark corners for me to kiss goodbye
But I'm not ready
Denial, my dear friend
My home, sweet home.
Don't make me leave and face that cold wind of the outside
There isn't enough coffee in the world to wake me from this dream

And I realized as you held me that there is nothing here
Nothing to write home about
And you are a dead tree... branches bent and hollow... brittle bark... falling apart
And not the strong, steady full blossomed branches that I need
Strength I have craved and has always remained elusive

And why does it bother you that I grieve?
When you so cavalierly stomp to prove you don't need me to continue to walk
You got this
You're fine
No comfort for me as you push this chick out of your nest, after helping her forget how to fly on her own
And you pity me, but you don't deserve to feel that
And maybe you will never see your loss
You may wake up peacefully alone in your bed
But I will know and one day baby, I will pity you

Gardener (Terribly Unfinished, but I miss writing)

This bitterness has fallen into my tea
Leaves with more bite than taste
And it just makes me miss every thought I have ever had of you
In this universe where I could create a clean slate
Unmarked with even faded chalk marks erased of our mistakes

But you will never understand me, you will never feel the beauty of my words
And there will always be others trying to blow on my flower
While you would just let me wilt away without so much as a mist

The worst is that I want you to be my gardener

Walking into the night
Every feature hidden in the moonlight
And I wouldn't have to melt into the swing set
If I could merry-go-round my way into your heart
Just into your arms, would be a good start

Left to my own devises I forget where I am
My moves are 'mechanical bull'
If only I could simply love you
If my mind wasn't made up half the time
I could surrender this piece I call mine

The glass is clouded with my breath
As I watch late into the night for you to walk up my steps
The world seems to be missing tonight
My porch is silent without your creak
My eyes are so tired, but I am afraid to blink

What if I miss you?
What if I miss you?
What if I never find you



I'd like to be something you've never seen
I'd like you to admire me
Take the words out of my mouth
Every once in a while
Before I can expel
What I planned to say
Take my breath away

This could be the final destiny we've thought of so many times
I'd depend on everything you do
And you see my in a dress and think, that's my girl
You'd admire me for who I am
And neglect who I will never be
I'd just want a man, to be your lady

You Aren't My Friend.

I forgot the rubric to make a beautiful sound,
Because nothing here is beautiful anymore
I tried to capture my tears in a bottle
But the beer got in the way
And nothing brings delight
I just try and forget
Forget you, forget us
Forget that maybe

How did Cupid skip you and hit me right in the back
And I didn't see it coming, I think that's the worst part
No. The worst part is you acting like you don't give a fuck
That's the hardest part of this
That I could be left on the side of the road and you wouldn't come save me
|
So back to the closet I go to get out my cape again
Cuz God forbid I take a break and let someone else save me for once
Who can you depend on if it isn't yourself.
And fuck grammar, and fuck rage
And fuck not finally getting what you want
And living for a fairy tale that doesn't want a white horse
To make their big entrance
The hero called Coward.

And I can't stay angry at you
Though, Christ, I really want to
I know you'll sweep into my world with a plastic smile
And I'll let you hurt my feelings again
Because I will never be that strong bitch I wanna be
I can never be more than easy, doormat, me

How can you lie so easily, how can you walk away from me without a scratch?
With that confident smile, of hey baby, we're just friends
You aren't my friend.
You aren't my enemy.
You are just a thing.
A fantasy.
A reminder that I can be hurt.
'And good riddance' my brain keeps telling me
But my heart screams, 'why'd you fuck up, girl?
You could have been all he ever needed
Now neither of you will ever know'

Like a bird I am just waiting to know where to build my nest
I want to be allowed to create something secure for an 'Us'
But where is my right suitor?
When I close my eyes you haunt my dreams
And even in dream you hurts me
Even in dream you treats me like a pity case
And you'll never be real with me
Because you're too busy pretending you have an impenetrable back
Fuck your carefree attitude
Fuck you. Yes, I said, Mister, fuck you

Of Old

Eyes as blue as the seas

You can take her at her word

Lips red like a rose in snow

Soft like a doe

Makes you think of a better time

Of old, of old

Her voice like velvet

It echoes truth

It cries in the night

She never forgets the words she hears

It haunts til morning light

Calming, the fears

Her step is light as a feather

She walks like a mist

Her breath leaves like a symphony

Burns you like a kiss

Hair carried in Sorrow's wind

No bliss, no bliss

Eyes as blue as the seas

It echoes the truth

Lips red like a rose in snow

She walks like a mist

Makes you think of a better time

Of old, of old

Soon she will disappear

No one will know

Where she leads a life of pure

Taken below

Into a cave where she sings all day

Of old, of old

Of old, of old

Sings the songs of Old

Buried with, of old

Train Poetry

The terminal is looking like a safe haven more and more
The train may pull in any minute
And I will breathe in the smoke from the coals
Ready to be carried away
Less and less I scan the crowd for you
Now I am only thinking about how in a minute's time I will be miles and miles from you

And you can stay with her
She can buy into your lies
She may hold you tight
On those lonely nights
But just try to get me off your mind
Just try to see yourself in another's eyes

I could move away across an ocean
I could live on the back of his hands
He'll carry me away from the noises
And in the seaside he'll be my man
But you'll walk through this life a-masked
Shame will follow your beaten path

And like an angel haunting your dreams
You'll miss me
You'll miss me
When you're consumed by me
You'll shutter at her touch

The terminal is looking like a safe haven more and more
The train may pull in any minute
And I will breathe in the smoke from the coals
Ready to be carried away
Less and less I scan the crowd for you
Now I am only thinking about how in a minute's time I will be miles and miles from you


~~~~~~

I'm playing my broken guitar while I wait for the train
Hoping to make a little cash
Before it rains
Before I carry this as far as it will take me
But who will hear my song
Who will cherish my song

I keep a candle lit near my knee
The burn reminds me how quickly everything can change
How when you lose something or someone it all becomes real
And the world can seem terrible
Or small, or close, far, or wrong
And are we all children in some unnamed god's eyes?
Or are we all peasants begging for just one more day of sun
And if there is an Ultimate, what would you give to find it?

And some would say they know me
Because the waif of my tiny body carries me with the wind
They think they could idolize me
Or understand me because of my life's walk
I seem like a disposable doll
One shoe missing, the other tattered and torn
Like money doesn't mean a thing to me
When homelessness means it all
I want something to call my own
Even if it's just a warm sock
Or a kind word, fallen from the lips of goddess
Whose warm glow keeps me safe lying against the tracks

A ghost haunting the night line
Lilac white covering my body
In moonlight
Basking in wisteria
Smelling of ivy draped in a ginger berry
Cooling in the summer's night heat

Gone

Did you remember closing the door
You left in such a hurry that day
And I was left bleeding
My heart no longer worth seeing
And I was left bleeding
In the room all alone

So take it back
All the words you hurled at my ceiling
Hold it back
To awaken my lost breathing
And I was left bleeding
My heart no longer worth feeling
Blinded to all reasoning
Because you were
You are gone

Did you remember walking down the drive
Back to your parked car
Still you left the engine on
And I was left bleeding
My heart no longer worth beating
Crying for unknown reasons
Because I was happy
You were gone

And I know your tune
You're waiting for me swoon
To beg you to return
I'd rather watch all of it burn

And I was left bleeding
Your heart no longer worth dreaming
Because you were a fallacy
And I am
Oh I am
I was glad you were gone
I'm still glad you are gone....